Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

Rated R

Run time 1 hour 45 minutes

Starring: Benjamin Walker and Dominic Cooper

This movie is based on the novel by Seth Grahame-Smith. The screenplay was written by Seth Grahame-Smith. Apparently when Grahame-Smith was hired to write the screenplay based on his own novel, he became confused and thought he was supposed to write a different movie with the same title.

The title and the names of the main characters are about all the movie has in common with the book. I know, I know this is supposed to be a review of the movie itself not a bitch session comparing it to the novel. But come on, I would expect something like this if a different person had written the screenplay not the same dude that wrote the story in the first place. Again, maybe he was confused, or drunk, or turned into a vampire and decided to write a different version. Whatever, now I guess it’s time to go on to the movie review.

This film was made using, what appears to be, sepia style tones. This was kind of artsy and didn’t really do much for the movie. I’m sure there was a pretty significant reason for doing this, but it totally escaped me. There is a lot of slow motion action and I mean slow motion, almost as if someone kept hitting the pause button every time an action sequence happened. It made it easier to see all of the black blood spilled with every swing of Abe’s mighty silver tipped axe, and there is a lot of it during the course of the movie.

Somewhere in between slow motion action scenes, they tried to add some background and substance. I usually like movies like this and I had high hopes for this one. I was sadly disappointed.  It was okay, but just okay.

Bottom line is this, if you haven’t read the book, you may enjoy the movie as long as you don’t go in with real high expectations. If, like me, you read the book and liked it, avoid this movie because the stories don’t have anything in common except for Abe and vampires. If you read the book and didn’t like it, why would I even be talking to you about a movie you obviously have no intention of seeing?

Moonrise Kingdom

Rated PG-13

Running time 1 hr 34 mins

Starring: Bruce Willis, Edward Norton, Bill Murray, Frances McDormand, Tilda Swinton, Harvey Keitel and introducing Jared Gilman and Kara Hayward

First let me say that I had never even heard of this movie when my wife tells me she wants to see it. So I said to myself, “Self, how many movies has she forced herself to sit through that you wanted to see?” With that thought in mind, I figured I could suffer through one for her. Then I decided to google it and was a little intrigued when I saw the star power. Now after having seen it, let me say it was a very enjoyable 1 ½ hours.

The movie is set on the fictional island of New Penzance in 1965. Sam (Jared Gilman) and Suzy (Kara Hayward) are a couple of 12 year olds that fall in love and run away from home. Everyone is out looking for them and meanwhile a hurricane is bearing down on the island inhabitants. This is their adventure. It takes the watcher in, never really slowing down along the way. You find yourself cheering on the two young lovers and laughing along at the antics of the supporting cast as they search for them.

Moonrise Kingdom is funny, quirky and heartwarming. Yes, I said heartwarming. Sometimes you just see a movie that brings a smile to your face. This film directed by Wes Anderson is one of those. The dialogue, as written by Wes Anderson and Roman Coppola, is short and to the point. No wasted words here. The actors do a very good job of conveying their emotions with body language and facial expressions.

The two young actors making their debuts as Sam and Suzy do an amazing job. Every other actor plays their part with just the right amount of quirkiness. The characters are all great fun to watch. The only thing particularly disturbing was seeing Bill Murray with his shirt off. That and the jewelry Sam makes for Suzy, I’m not going to tell you what it is. You’ll have to go see the movie to find out.

The movie is rated PG-13 for a reason. It has a couple of cuss words in it and there is a scene that would probably be construed as touching and funny by adults, but could leave younger viewers asking questions you’re not ready to answer yet. But bottom line is this movie is fun to watch and I highly recommend it.

Snow White and the Huntsman

Rated: PG-13

Running time: 2 hours 7 minutes

Starring: Charlize Theron, Kristen Stewart and Chris Hemsworth

This is not your parent’s fairy tale! When I first heard of this movie, I had my doubts. It was another movie about a fairy tale; maybe the pre-teen kids would like it. Then I saw some previews and thought maybe it wouldn’t be a total waste of time after all. Noelle wanted to go see it and it’s not often she tells me she wants to go see a movie. Usually, I drag her to a movie and she’s a good sport about it. You see, she doesn’t share my love of movies and it’s probably a good thing or my movie collection might exceed 2,000. So we went to see this movie at the Saturday early matinee and it was pretty full, which tells me we aren’t the only people wanting to see it. Looking around the theater, I don’t notice any children at all, not even teenagers. Could I have been completely wrong about this movie? You bet your poison apple I was.

Someone was able to take a formulaic fairy tale and actually make a pretty darn good adventure movie. Yes, it does follow the story everyone knows to a degree. There’s the evil queen, played very well by Charlize Theron; of course Snow White is in the movie too (I was actually surprised by how well Kristen Stewart did in this role). The Huntsman is played by Thor, uh I mean Chris Hemsworth and I guess all that hammer swinging paid off because in this movie he swings a pretty mean axe.  I did recognize Ian McShane and Bob Hoskins in, wait for it – wait for it, a couple of small roles (they played dwarves through the magic of cgi).

There’s not a whole lot I can tell you about the story you don’t already know. The evil queen wants to kill her step daughter, Snow White, and she escapes running into the Dark Forest. The queen has no power in the forest so she sends the huntsman to find Snow and deliver her back so the queen may cut out her heart. This is so she can secure her place as the fairest of them all. Obviously, the huntsman (we never learn his real name) can’t go through with it and instead helps her escape the queen’s clutches again. To me this is when the movie really starts to pick up speed. Our intrepid duo goes through a series of adventures (of which I will not spoil for you, dear reader) on their way to assembling an army to fight for the kingdom.

Yes, the movie is 2 hours long but it doesn’t feel like it. There are a couple of scenes that drag a little but they are quickly picked up by some action sequences. I’m not going to compare this movie to Lord of the Rings, but if you like adventure epics, in that mold, then go see Snow White and the Huntsman. I don’t think you’ll be disappointed.

Men in Black III

Rated: PG-13

Run time: 1 hour 44 minutes

Starring: Will Smith, Tommy Lee Jones and Josh Brolin

I saw this in IMAX 3D, the movie was so good that I failed to pay attention to how good the 3D effects were, the IMAX was awesome as usual.

Two things, TLJ is definitely not one of those vain movie stars that have plastic surgery performed to look younger (because he looks older than dirt) and Josh Brolin must have studied Jones for a very long time (because he really pulls off his role of being a younger agent K). Mannerisms, voice, everything, he really has it down.

Will Smith is, well, Will Smith, fast talking, energetic and funny. This time, the bad guy is from K’s past and escapes from a prison on the moon. I didn’t even know we had a prison on the moon. Wonder what other kind of baddies we have stashed up there? Anyway, I like this bad guy the best out of the other movies. Although, “Edgar” from the first movie is a close second.

So Boris the Animal (played by Jemaine Clement) or as he says, “Just Boris” goes back in time to kill K and change history. J (Smith) must also go back and try and save him. Just like the other movies, the 3^rd installment blends comedy, action and drama into an effective sci-fi adventure. We do learn some interesting things in this movie about our two main characters. For those of you who might want to stick around through the credits to see if the trend of a final scene exists, don’t waste your time. I did and there wasn’t one. Will there be a fourth movie? I don’t know, but if they do there are two things that will probably be for certain, Tommie Lee Jones will be chasing aliens using a walker and I’ll be in line again.

Bottom line, go see this movie even if you haven’t seen the first 2 films. Then go home and get them from Netflix or your other favorite movie supplier. Heck get them even if you have seen them, they’re that much fun.

Battleship

Rated: PG-13

Run time: 2 hours 11 minutes

Starring: Taylor Kitsch, Liam Neeson and Rihanna

Liam Neeson can growl with the best of them and it’s a good thing too because that is pretty much what he’s limited to during this film. Rihanna actually does a good job in the movie, even if she is a radar technician, who is a bad-ass that performs pretty much every job in the Navy.

This movie has a little bit of everything in it. We have some romance (just a little bit), some action, and some laughs. Just suspend you’re belief in reality before the movie starts and you will more than likely have a good time.

Apparently, scientists found a way to send a radio signal to outer space about the same time our hero (Kitsch) is getting arrested for stealing a chicken burrito to impress a young lady (hence the romance). He is made to join the U.S.Navy by his big brother. Fast forward a few years, our intrepid hero is now a Lieutenant in the Navy and the aliens show up answering the message. Then all hell breaks loose. I must say that I’m glad to see that an alien invasion attacked someplace other than New York, this time it’s Hawaii.

The aliens just happen to attack while the USN and the Japanese Navy are having war games. Now they keep saying the “world” war games, but it seems that only the USA and the Japanese show up because no other country appears to be participating. Once the aliens get here, stop thinking and just sit back and enjoy the movie. It is enjoyable, as long as you don’t start asking questions. I don’t want to get into any of the implausible goings on in the movie because I don’t want to spoil any of the surprises. One of the best movie punches I’ve seen awhile is made by Gregory D. Gadson (a retired army colonel and double amputee) playing an army colonel and double amputee going through physical therapy (I told you this movie has something for everyone) and proves to be crucial to the movie. The USS Missouri even comes out of retirement along with its crew and it provides some of my favorite scenes in the movie.

I can, in good conscience, recommend this movie as entertainment. So, go see it and give your brain a rest.